Five Mad Minutes with Andrew Clark

Central Coast’s drill sergeant talks about feminine teammates, waxing the coach and having a dog’s life

Central Coast-s drill sergeant talks about feminine teammates, waxing the coach and having a dog-s life

You-re also the club-s fitness coach, do you love giving the boys a hard time? Constantly. I-m pretty much the enemy of the guys whenever there-s work to be done. They-re big enough to get over that Who gives you the most grief? It would have to be Nik Mrdja, he-s got the attention span of a goldfish and if I explain activities for any longer than about twenty seconds he forgets what I told him. So I have to re-explain everything after twenty seconds. Who-s the least fit? If I told you who the least fit was then I-d lose my job, so I-m going to say that they are all supremely fit athletes. You play for the Mariners, have you got good sea legs? I was born on the beach up here so I-ve probably spent as much time in the water as I have on land. I-m pretty comfortable in the water. If you could pack up and go for a two week holiday today where would you go? I-d probably walk about five hundred metres up the beach to a little spot called Spoon Bay where nobody ever goes and I-d set up camp there and stay there for a couple of weeks. If you were stranded on a desert island, which teammate would you want with you? Probably Dean Heffernan because he-s the closest thing to a female, so it would at least give me something to look at…can I say that? Who-s your toughest A-League opponent? I don-t think I should give that away, ‘cause that will give him the upper hand. I can-t release that information. Fair enough. What are you going to buy Lawrie McKinna for Christmas? A wax kit. He did a breast cancer charity thing where he waxed his chest and he hasn-t really had a look in the mirror at his back. He needs to tidy the whole thing up. What-s the last song you listened to on your MP3? We listened to Apocalypso by the Presets in the change room this morning. If you weren-t playing football what do you think you-d be doing? I-d probably be a lot wealthier. What-s your favourite drink? I like Jack Daniels. It-s not Bluetongue? With a dash of Bluetongue. Best hangover cure? Jump in the surf as quick as possible. I hear that you-ve got a few good jokes up your sleeve. Can you tell me a good one? What did the cyclone say to the coconut tree? I have no idea. Bend over or I-ll blow your nuts off. That one-s from my six-year-old nephew. Who-s funnier Will Ferrell or Jim Carrey? Will Ferrell. Which of his movies do you like best? I really liked Semi-Pro. What do you want to be reincarnated as when you die? My dog. Because she lives an awesome life. Lays around all day, gets fed breakfast, lunch and dinner goes for a walk down the beach in the evening. That would be a pretty perfect life. And last question, who do you think will win the EPL and A-League? EPL, I-m a Liverpool supporter and A-League we-re still in contention to win and we will.